Living together before marriage

Actually I do have something to say and I'm going to say it!!!!! So there lol.

OK, it's getting really close now to me being redundant (26th June) and moving down south to be with Martin. It's nail bitingly exciting and nerve racking stuff all at the same time. However it has NOT been easy and it is still proving difficult. I don't yet have a job to go to (and let me tell you it is not easy or fun in trying to find one!) and I'm getting a bit concerned. I want to put my redundancy money into the bank and use it for our wedding. Not that we are engaged YET but we are planning to get married. Taking redundancy was not an easy decision to make. It was one we deliberated over for months before the time slowly ebbed away and the pressure to make a decision was unavoidable. I COULD have stayed in the company doing something else, but that would not have made me happy. I COULD have found another job up here but also that would not have made me happy. I want to be with Martin, THAT will make me happy! I wonder if people understand how difficult it will be for me to leave my home and family, to leave everything that is familiar to me and start a new life hundreds of miles away. At times I feel selfish for wanting to leave but I also know it is the right decision.

So, as the time draws near, Martin and I are really struggling with the issue of living together before we are married. It is something that neither of us want but it seems like we may have very little choice. I will be keeping my flat going up here so it is not possible to rent somewhere for a while before we are married and Martin's parents are not keen on either of us living at theirs until we are married. So we find ourselves between a rock and a hard place.

Martin has been reading a lot recently about living together before marriage, looking for a definitive answer as to whether it is OK or not in the eyes of God. It seems clear to me that the only people who should be making this decision is US and we are both in agreement that we should not. It is something that is very important to us, something Martin was not sure was as important to me as it was to him. I think I have made it VERY clear that it is just as important and I hope he really does believe that. It is not something I am being pressured into at all and it is such a relief to have found someone who wants the same thing!

An article that Martin sent me speaks of how people want to try out marriage first by using cohabitation as an experiment to gauge how well they would get on and make sure it is the right decision first before committing to marriage. It likens the marriage ceremony to a confirmation and rightly so, that is all it seems to be because people will already have had the road test. That is essentially what it is, isn't it? It's like going to the car lot and taking the car that you have always wanted out for a test drive. What happens if you don't like the interior as much as the exterior? What happens if the brakes aren't as sharp as you expected them to be? Well, you don't HAVE to buy it, you can walk away!

It really saddens me that people do not have FAITH in their relationships, that they need PROOF before they will tie the knot! It seems people love each other enough to move in together but not enough to believe they are capable of domestic bliss without trying it out first. I don't believe that people have lost the capability to make a relationship work, but I believe they have lost the desire to. Relationships these days come and go as quickly as buses sometimes! I find myself not valuing the length of someones marriage until they reach their 40th wedding anniversary because by then, when you are THAT old, theres no point in getting a divorce!

Reading this article has not changed my opinion, merely strengthened it. I KNOW there will be days that I will want to strangle Martin for something as silly as using up the last of the milk or not putting the dishes in the sink, I KNOW that there will be times when I am grumpy and I will hurt his feelings without intending to do so. I KNOW there will be times that we will test each others patience and grate on each others nerves and need our own breathing space. BUT I also KNOW that there is no one on earth I would rather share these moments with, I KNOW that the good will out weigh the bad, I KNOW that I will be happier with Martin than with anyone else, happier than being alone. I KNOW that I will never love anyone more than I love Martin. I KNOW that no one can make me feel as loved or as special as he does. I KNOW that I will never be as comfortable in myself with anyone else but him. I KNOW that I will love him for the rest of my life because I KNOW that he is everything I want and everything I didn't know I wanted until I met him! I KNOW we will have to put in a lot of work to maintain our relationship but none of this puts me off in the slightest. I KNOW that I will do whatever it takes to keep our relationship healthy and I will love him as much in 20 years as I do now, if not more. I KNOW that I am no longer myself but one half of a whole. I KNOW that I do not need a road test before committing to marriage, nor do I care for one!!!

At the moment I'm fed up with other people's opinions on what we should do with our lives. My mother, my work colleagues, my friends. As long as they are happy then I don't really care what they do with their lives, that is THEIR business. I just want the opportunity to be able to do what I want with mine! I want to shout and scream at people and say that I want our relationship to be holy in the eyes of God and to me that means not living together until we are married. I don't care if people call me old fashioned or traditional, its just ME! Let me BE me! The biggest mistakes I have made in my life have been because I have tried to please others instead of myself. I want to scream at people and say don't judge me, don't tell me what to do, don't make me make another mistake! Help me, help US if you can. If not then just support me, support US! Accept us and what we want. Let us live the lives we want to live, even if you don't agree with our decisions.

Well, that being said, who knows what road we will take for our futures. Things may not be ideal, we may not get exactly what we want, things may not be perfect but as long as there is a we then I will be happy.